[ThumBlister] Diablo 3 Review

System: PC/Mac

Playing Diablo 3 is like going to Disneyland. It's been so long since your last visit, that the excitement is almost unbearable. Yet, you were younger then, and easier to impress. No matter how excited you want to be you can't help but feel, in the back of your mind, that some of that original magic may be gone.

Worst of all is a single lingering fear. That there is no way this smaller park, even with its updated look and new additions, can ever compare to your more recent visit to Disney World (of Warcraft).

Then that magical day comes, and a relief washes over you, along with a single revelation. IT'S FREAKING DISNEYLAND. Sure there are other parks, maybe even better parks. But it will never matter because this is DISNEY, and so it is with Diablo.

For those not in the know Diablo 3 is the sequel to one of the most successful and long lasting franchises in gaming history. However, unlike other sequels, this one took over 10 years in Development Limbo before it finally found a release last month.

Diablo has you, and on most occasions a group of friends, running through randomly generated levels and dungeons ad nauseam. You will do so by playing the exact same story mode upwards of 4 times through. The enemies will not change, nor will the overarching design of the levels, but that won't matter. You will put up with the errors, the lag, the lack of stat customization, and more only so you can take a whack at the item filled enemy pinatas one more time.

Diablo 3 is not perfect, not by a long shot. It is without a doubt the laziest video game sequel in history, even when held up against the Call of Duty series.

Are the graphics amazing?

“No.” -1

Are the controls improved?

“No.” -1

Can I play offline?

“No.” -1

Can I still have 8 player parties?

“No.” -1

Can I control the stats of my characters?

“No.” -1

…..Um, can I at least make my character different than everyone else?

“Well, you can dye your armor!” +1

Blizzard relies a lot on the tried and true here. You are basically playing the same exact game you were playing 10 years ago with Diablo 2, albeit with everything annoying removed, and persistent online included. This is a testament to just how great a game the original Diablo was. There wasn't a whole lot that needed to be fixed here, it was basically perfect to begin with. We wanted more of the same and that is what we got.

Taking the time to address Diablo's every issue would be pointless because at heart, all that needs to work here is your ability to kill things with friends, and to pick a lot of crap up. Wow, will you pick a lot of crap up.

The way Diablo manages to control loot is amazing. At times enemies seem to flow weapons and armor like Niagara Falls. Most of it will be useless, and ignored, but then a new item will catch your eye. Don't expect to hold it long though, rarely will an item stay in our possession for longer than a few hours of playtime. As stats are not controlled by the player in any way, you will need your armor to constantly change in order to beef up your character.

Essentially this turns Diablo 3 into a grown up game of Barbies. You are always changing jobs, abilities, and clothes to meet the needs of the group. You and your friends will play with the same 5 dolls in the same 4 dollhouses over, and over, again. It may never change, but it will never get boring. Your friends will be there to spice things up.

In the end that is what this game comes down to, your friends. Everybody complaining about the requirement to always be online, even during single player, are wrong. Diablo is not a single player game, it just allows itself to be for your convenience. This game, especially on the harder difficulties, is meant to be experienced with a group. Collecting and pillaging your way through mindless crowds, for the sole purpose of ripping armor from an enemy’s lifeless corpse. It is with this goal, Diablo 3 succeeds with glowing perfection. This game, with friends, is a must buy.

That being said, on a technical level, Diablo falls short on so many points. What's worse is that it feels like (after both Starcraft 2, Diablo 3, and the recent Diablo server error fiasco) Blizzard is only doing B+ work. They are relying on their enormous fan base to purchase anything they dish out. Only time will tell whether or not gamers will realize this, and force Blizzard to do something it forgot to do so long ago; Try. From where I'm standing, it looks as though Blizzard may need to start taking itself a little more seriously.

Diablo 3 Technical Review gets a 6 out of 10.

Diablo 3 Entertainment Review gets a 10 out of 10.

[ThumBlister] The Legend of Zelda: Skyward Sword

Platform: Wii

Fans of Legend of Zelda beware, for I am about to crush your dreams. Not to say I'm not a fan, but let's be honest for a moment, the last all around perfect Zelda game was Wind Waker. Triforce search aside, it had great puzzles, a more than solid story, and truly detailed dungeons. All wrapped in a truly stunning package.

Enter Skyward Sword.

                               Link's Reaction to Playing Skyward Sword

For those of you unprepaired to handle a harsh truth, I will be splitting this review into two parts, as a way of easing the pain. First a review on Skyward Sword's technical aspects, followed by its overall entertainment value. If you expecting this review to make you feel good about your purchase...the technical review won't. Best to just skip past this one.

Skyward Sword Technical Review:

[Graphics]

Let's address the elephant in the room. Skyward Sword is not in itself a pretty game. Though not for the reasons you might expect, because Nintendo did a truly amazing job with the limited hardware they had available in the Wii. There are in fact multiple shots where I found myself pausing to enjoy the scenery. [10]

But as great as the watercolor graphics can look, a game's visuals mean naught if the character and level design of said game can't properly support them. Skyward Sword is easily the most uncreative game in the entire Zelda library.

For instance, why on earth am I fighting the secret love child of Mike Wazowski and his girlfriend from Monsters Inc on a pirate ship? Not only does that lead to a stupid character, but frankly the imagry associated is just plain weird. -1 [9]

I cannot think of a single character, monster, or level that stood out to me as well designed. From the generic goblin npc's, to the extremely offensive homosexual nemesis Ghirahim, and even your emotionless robot companion Fi, nothing in the game ever stands out as memorable as a single character in prior Zelda games.

Oooooooo! So scary!

[Design]

This leads directly into the next issue plaguing not only this, but every zelda since Twilight Princess. Take a second to stop reading and look up at the totally awesome boss above. Ok, back? Great, now one guess, how do you kill it? If you said arrow to the eye, you'd be right! Just like every one eyed boss before it, a shot to the eye, a few slashes, and 3 attempts later you have yourself one dead stupid looking boss. [9]

I think of only 1 boss and level I ended up enjoying from this game, and if you asked me in one month I likely won't even remember that. Compare that to Ocarina of Time, which is about to be 15 years old, where I can still name every single boss and dungeon, and how to beat them, in order. -1 [8]

[Gameplay]

The area I seem to digress on with most other reviewers, is on the gameplay itself. I can only imagine they are letting their feelings for the franchise blind them to what is clearly a broken game. [8]

Nintendo has, on multiple occasions, gloated about the total length of Skyward Sword clocking in at nearly 50+ hours. Had I known that there would be maybe 15 original hours in said length, I would have avoided this little adventure. -1 [7]

Time after time, you are repeatedly required to replay the same 3 areas. For instance, as in previous Zeldas, there is a volcano, and whaddya know it's your job to climb it. Forget that you can skydive and fly whereever you want, your gonna need to climb that mountain...FIVE TIMES. [7]

The first climb everything's fine, it is a Zelda game after all, so I'm willing to accept a recycled level idea. Yet hardly a few hours after beating it, I'm back searching for a single item on fetch quest. Nintendo somehow thought that wasn't searching hard enough, because sure enough I was back for 20 more items not a few hours after that. [7]

In my mind there could be no reason to bring me back a 4^th time, but I was wrong. I was back once again not a dungeon later on the single worst escort mission I've played in years. Not only is it poorly executed, being unable to tell your escort to wait, while you take out enemies ahead. But the person you are escorting up the mountain can FLY, as can you. Both of you having just flown together side by side not seconds before. In fact this same character teleports with you anywhere you want, except for where he needs to go, forcing a climb back up the mountiain. I was actually forced to glitch him stuck on a rock, just to run ahead and kill all the archers, to successfully pass the level. [7]

Without going into detail, as to avoid major spoilers for what actually is an enjoyable part of the game, you do end up back at this mountain a 5^th time. -1 [6]

Finally, Skyward Sword not only breaks, but shatters my biggest issue in gaming. Doing something worse, after having done it perfect. [6]

Case and point, in Ocarina of Time; a 15 year old Nintendo 64 game, I was able to summon the night and day at will with a single song. Why then in both Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword was this ability removed? Especially when so many sidequests require the time to be switched. In Skyward Sword when you need it to be night, you are forced to go back to your home and sleep till night, then once againt when you are ready for it to be day. This is only one of many small problems that poke their heads over and over again throughout the game. [6]

Why, for instance, are there no fishing or archery minigames to make use of my amazing motion controls? Why do I have to warp from the ground, to the sky, turn a 180, and fly back to the ground; all just to warp to a different save point that I otherwise have NO access to on foot? And WHY am I waving my arm around like a fool playing a harp to an absolutly atrocious soundtrack sung by a character somehow more annoying than Navi?! -1 [5]

Case and point.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9ADFcIJE7U

Yes. You read that right. An npc that manages to actually annoy and totally ruin your experience more than Navi from Ocarina. [5]

Granted no puzzles were truly difficult throughout Skyward, but had you found one to stump you, you can bet Fi would tell you the answer before you knew there was a question. “Oh you found a door with a lock? Analysis shows an 80% chance a key in the next room fits in that lock.”

This was in the final dungeon.

And really, 80%? That's your math there Fi? Can you predict the chance I'll end this game sticking my sword in your face? -1 [4]

So yes, I just gave a Legend of Zelda game a 4/10. However don't let this discourage you! The game does not suck! It can actually be very enjoyable, even with all its huge glaring flaws! Coming soon will be my second review of Skyward Sword, told from a purely entertainment value perspective. Can Link settle the review score with the addition of motion controls? We shall see!

I'll be waiting...

[ThumBlister] Super Mario 3D Land

Platform: 3DS

Super Mario 3 has officially been dethroned. [Allowed time for gasps]. I understand this may come as a blaspheme to many people, as I consider myself among them, but Super Mario 3D Land is Mario perfected. In fact it alone may be worth the purchase of Nintendo's new handheld.

[Story]

3D Land is the standard you've come to expect from a Mario game. Lot's of running, jumping, and princess saving. Levels are spread out across 8 worlds, around 5 levels per world. With the levels themselves falling into the relms of both the classic side scroller, or top down view ala Mario 64.

So yes, Princess Peach has been kidnapped again, and it's your job to rescue her. Fact is, Mario probably needs to realize Peach 'might' just want her some Bowser. Sure people in the Kingdom think its wrong, but the heart wants what the heart wants.

Even so, athough our plot has less creativity than the average Michael Bay film, there is so much more to this jewel than meets the eye. Or rather, because of what meets the eye.

[Presentation]

The forefront of this game is in it's 3D. There's no getting around it, this game was made for 3 Dimensions, and is all the better for it.

Let me assure you, the 3D on display here is not some humdrum addition like a random hollywood movie. It is serious, and completely game changing. The most profound option here being a single button. With a click the display changes from pop out of the screen 3D, into a diorama mode where depth falls back into the screen. This feature singularly sets up Mario 3D as not only the greatest game on the 3DS, but raises it to the top of a long line of Mario games.

Pardon my pun, but this option literally adds a new dimension to the gameplay. During the classic side scrolling segments you'll have the 3D cranked to the max with pop out turned on. Everything from fireballs to bullet bills will be flying right out the screen. Suddenly, during the same level, the camera shifts from a side angle into a mostly overhead view. At that point, although jumping out of the screen is nifty to look at, the pop out 3D can really throw off your jumps. Shift into Depth mode and you allow for a much greater sense of spacial perception previously impossible to the platform genre. And you'll need both views, as this game will punish your hand eye coordination in the latter levels.

Objects in the background fly from the back, right out of the screen, and at your face!

[Level Design]

As mentioned Mario 3D is broken up into the standard Mario board game setup. 8 worlds, each with an elemental theme, at around 5 levels apiece. Every world is ended by a boss, occasionally even Bowser himself, all leading up to the final epic finale to save Peach. And these 40 or so levels would be enough to make the average handheld gamer happy.

But that's only the warm-up.

WARNING! The following can easily be considered a spoiler some may want to skip. Upon defeating Bowser and rolling the end credits, the game suddenly doubles in length! Luigi is kidnapped and yet another 8 whole worlds are added to the games already large size! Some of these levels are new, some are advanced versions of ones already completed. Either way you can bet these 8 worlds will test every platforming skill you possess. This is especially true for those players in pursuit of the 3 golden star coins in every level, all of which are needed to purchase the final, most difficult, levels.

And yet, even with all this, Nintedo manages to cram more. During this second world, upon saving Luigi, he actually becomes a playable character! Fans will absolutly love this bit of service, as he is not just a skin, but an actual 'character'. Luigi controls entirely different than his shorter brother, such as higher jumps and more slippery stops.

-End of Spoilers-

If any complaint can be found in the game at all, and this is far reaching. It could be in the power ups. There isn't a whole lot new on display here. Standard Fire Flower and Tanooki Suit are available, as well as a new Boomerang Mario. Not that you will care at the lack of options. All you will ever want is the Tanooki suit, which grants the ability to glide in the air for a few seconds. This will become the deciding factor in most of the difficult platforming segments of the game.

Boomerangs are actually super fun, too bad you will always skip it for a Tankooki Leaf

So yes, while most likely not get a chance to play it due it's system of choice, this is the best Mario game to date. Please do not let the 3DS's lack of a current Library discourage you from trying out this one of a kind classic platformer. It will be worth it.

10/10