Platform: Wii
Fans of Legend of Zelda beware, for I
am about to crush your dreams. Not to say I'm not a fan, but let's be
honest for a moment, the last all around perfect Zelda game was Wind
Waker. Triforce search aside, it had great puzzles, a more than solid
story, and truly detailed dungeons. All wrapped in a truly stunning
package.
Enter Skyward Sword.
Link's
Reaction to Playing Skyward Sword
For those of you unprepaired to handle
a harsh truth, I will be splitting this review into two parts, as a
way of easing the pain. First a review on Skyward Sword's technical
aspects, followed by its overall entertainment value. If you
expecting this review to make you feel good about your purchase...the
technical review won't. Best to just skip past this one.
Skyward
Sword Technical Review:
[Graphics]
Let's
address the elephant in the room. Skyward Sword is not in itself a
pretty game. Though not for the reasons you might expect, because
Nintendo did a truly amazing job with the limited hardware they had
available in the Wii. There are in fact multiple shots where I found
myself pausing to enjoy the scenery. [10]
But
as great as the watercolor graphics can look, a game's visuals mean
naught if the character and level design of said game can't properly
support them. Skyward Sword is easily the most uncreative game in
the entire Zelda library.
For
instance, why on earth am I fighting the secret love child of Mike
Wazowski and his girlfriend from Monsters Inc on a pirate ship? Not
only does that lead to a stupid character, but frankly the imagry
associated is just plain weird. -1
[9]
I
cannot think of a single character, monster, or level that stood out
to me as well designed. From the generic goblin npc's, to the
extremely offensive homosexual nemesis Ghirahim, and even your
emotionless robot companion Fi, nothing in the game ever stands out
as memorable as a single character in prior Zelda games.
Oooooooo! So scary!
[Design]
This
leads directly into the next issue plaguing not only this, but every
zelda since Twilight Princess. Take a second to stop reading and look
up at the totally awesome boss above. Ok, back? Great, now one guess,
how do you kill it? If you said arrow to the eye, you'd be right!
Just like every one eyed boss before it, a shot to the eye, a few
slashes, and 3 attempts later you have yourself one dead stupid
looking boss. [9]
I
think of only 1 boss and level I ended up enjoying from this game,
and if you asked me in one month I likely won't even remember that.
Compare that to Ocarina of Time, which is about to be 15 years old,
where I can still name every single boss and dungeon, and how to beat
them, in order. -1
[8]
[Gameplay]
The
area I seem to digress on with most other reviewers, is on the
gameplay itself. I can only imagine they are letting their feelings
for the franchise blind them to what is clearly a broken game. [8]
Nintendo
has, on multiple occasions, gloated about the total length of Skyward
Sword clocking in at nearly 50+ hours. Had I known that there would
be maybe 15 original hours in said length, I would have avoided this
little adventure. -1
[7]
Time
after time, you are repeatedly required to replay the same 3 areas.
For instance, as in previous Zeldas, there is a volcano, and whaddya
know it's your job to climb it. Forget that you can skydive and fly
whereever you want, your gonna need to climb that mountain...FIVE
TIMES. [7]
The
first climb everything's fine, it is a Zelda game after all, so I'm
willing to accept a recycled level idea. Yet hardly a few hours after
beating it, I'm back searching for a single item on fetch quest.
Nintendo somehow thought that wasn't searching hard enough, because
sure enough I was back for 20 more items not a few hours after that.
[7]
In
my mind there could be no reason to bring me back a 4th
time, but I was wrong. I was back once again not a dungeon later on
the single worst escort mission I've played in years. Not only is it
poorly executed, being unable to tell your escort to wait, while you
take out enemies ahead. But the person you are escorting up the
mountain can FLY, as can you. Both of you having just flown together
side by side not seconds before. In fact this same character
teleports with you anywhere you want, except for where he needs to
go, forcing a climb back up the mountiain. I was actually forced to
glitch him stuck on a rock, just to run ahead and kill all the
archers, to successfully pass the level. [7]
Without
going into detail, as to avoid major spoilers for what actually is an
enjoyable part of the game, you do end up back at this mountain a 5th
time. -1
[6]
Finally,
Skyward Sword not only breaks, but shatters my biggest issue in
gaming. Doing something worse, after having done it perfect. [6]
Case
and point, in Ocarina of Time; a 15 year old Nintendo 64 game, I was
able to summon the night and day at will with a single song. Why then
in both Twilight Princess and Skyward Sword was this ability removed?
Especially when so many sidequests require the time to be switched.
In Skyward Sword when you need it to be night, you are forced to go
back to your home and sleep till night, then once againt when you are
ready for it to be day. This is only one of many small problems that
poke their heads over and over again throughout the game. [6]
Why,
for instance, are there no fishing or archery minigames to make use
of my amazing motion controls? Why do I have to warp from the ground,
to the sky, turn a 180, and fly back to the ground; all just to warp
to a different save point that I otherwise have NO access to on foot?
And WHY am I waving my arm around like a fool playing a harp to an
absolutly atrocious soundtrack sung by a character somehow more
annoying than Navi?! -1
[5]
Case and point.
Yes.
You read that right. An npc that manages to actually annoy and
totally ruin your experience more than Navi from Ocarina. [5]
Granted
no puzzles were truly difficult throughout Skyward, but had you found
one to stump you, you can bet Fi would tell you the answer before you
knew there was a question. “Oh you found a door with a lock?
Analysis shows an 80% chance a key in the next room fits in that
lock.”
This
was in the final dungeon.
And
really, 80%? That's your math there Fi? Can you predict the chance
I'll end this game sticking my sword in your face? -1
[4]
So
yes, I just gave a Legend of Zelda game a 4/10. However don't let
this discourage you! The game does not suck! It can actually be very
enjoyable, even with all its huge glaring flaws! Coming soon will be
my second review of Skyward Sword, told from a purely entertainment
value perspective. Can Link settle the review score with the addition
of motion controls? We shall see!
I'll be waiting...
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