[EyeSore] Tree of Life Review

[Tree of Life]

   Oh boy, what can't I say about “Tree of Life”...

   Ok, I have to come clean. I did not finish this film. It is just a waste of time, plain and simple. In fact, I was forced to create a new word to describe this film. “Fartisticrap” a special combination of artsy fartsy crap.

   Let it be known, I do not walk out on movies. In fact, in my entire life I have only ever walked out on 2 films, the last one being Superman Returns. To put this into perspective, I actually finished M. Night Shyamalan's “Last Airbender” in one sitting. So I know what I'm saying when I say “Tree of Life” is the slowest, most random piece of “Fartisticrap” I have seen since my French Film History class. Critics and Academy may praise this film, but by doing so they are simply pointing out their pretentious snobbery, as they assume 'hidden meaning' where there is none to be had.

   Obviously I cannot review “Tree of Life” the way I normally review films, by taking points away. As such, I think it only fair that I begin at 0 and try, deep down, to find reasons to provide points to the film.

   Having had time to think about it, I have to say, I am still not quite sure why it was filmed the way it was. For every good scene that finally began to assemble some form of a story, the film would suddenly cut to random “Fartisticrap” shots of space, galaxies, and nebula. If Saturday Night Live were to make a skit on random pointless stuck up “Film School” movies, this would be that skit. Actually, watching it in this manner makes it a lot better. +1

   Also, the acting was good, for what little scenes I saw that had actual actors, and not flowing clouds of nebula. +1

So, for now “Tree of Life“ gets a 2 out of 10.